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I laugh now when I think about my wedding bouquet being made up of daisies.  Not exactly the traditional flower!  But then again it is the He loves me, He loves me not flower.

Allow me to share my heart again.  This has been a vulnerable season as I watch some people I love go through a breakup of a long marriage.  It’s natural that my heart and mind would reflect on my own.  Maybe just one marriage could be saved if they looked a little differently at a daisy.

I married young, 19, to my high school sweetheart.  I probably wasn’t ready for it by all standards and by what I know today.  Then again, I would have missed out on the life I live now which is enhanced because of the growth over the years.

I walked in like every other girl, expecting to be whisked away to paradise island by my prince charming.  I knew the romance would last forever, and we would share every intimate detail of our lives.  We would do everything together and we would be one.

Here’s the problem.  One to me meant we would never disagree, we would love all the same things, we would somehow communicate perfectly, and we would through some fairy tale osmosis understand each other along the way.

Here’s the second problem.  The love word.  Surely that meant we would always be aware of each other, focused on each others needs, and my husband especially would treat me like a princess.

Here’s the third problem.  Junk!  I came in with junk.  I didn’t love myself, was insecure about his love for me, and had let all the junk in my life define what love looked like.  I wanted to live the fairytale and the more I longed for that, the more irrational my thinking became.

So there came a time when I felt nothing and wanted way more.  Here’s what I have learned through that struggle.  One does not mean you give up who you are.  It means you dance with the differences and work with the core values that you both share.  Junk…….You have to keep working on yourself and stop letting your past define love for you.  You have to find a love and identity for yourself that is not dependent on your mate while allowing them to do the same.  Then you use those identities as a two fold cord that is stronger then you by yourself.

And lastly, I took another look at the daisy.  I stopped asking Does He love me or not?  I began asking Am I loving him?  Was I acting like the princess that my prince deserved?  Was I unconditionally giving myself to him and my family?  Was I loving like God loved me?

I found out the answer was no.  When I stopped thinking selfishly and turned my thoughts toward how I acted, I found my prince.  It’s took 39 years and we are still working on it but I couldn’t imagine life without him.  Sometimes he’s crabby, sometimes he’s mad, sometimes he’s unromantic, sometimes he doesn’t get me.  And SOMETIMES I’m that way too!  But we both know, love and committment is not a tingly feeling.   It’s a choice.

Choose to look at the daisy in a new way and you just might find your prince too.

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